Just for fun: Emergency Department Roadsigns and Acronyms

Just for fun: Emergency Department Roadsigns 

from "The Back Passage" 

by Ian Miller, the impactednurse.com

Too much information! At least that’s what it seems like on any given second in the Emergency Department. What with all those flyers on the walls and all those medication sheets and special orders and acronyms and abbreviations. What we need is a roadmap to guide us through this sensory overload. Our own department has begun using some specialized signage to clarify information and highlight patient needs. Here are a few of the more important ones:

Smelly bedpan. 

Danger: nurse carrying extremely smelly bedpan at arms length. Whenever you see a nurse walking in this manner take immediate evasive action. 

Urinal hazard.

Do not carry urinal in this position. Walking around for the remainder of

the shift with squishy shoes is to say the least: sub-optimal.  

sleep deprived nurse.

Danger: nursing staff have worked too many consecutive night shifts. Divergent gaze is causing double vision. Brain gone bad. 

Fecal loading hazard.

This patient has not had their bowels open for a very long time.

But, they have just had an enormously potent enema.

Avoid contact at all costs. Transfer to ward ASAP. 

Failure to launch. 

This patient is in need of Viagra. If unable to obtain from pharmacy may substitute: madixafloppin or macoxafillin. 

Triage Nurse Hazard. 

Do not come to the Emergency Department with that splinter in your thumb. Go to your own doctor or get it out with a pair of tweezers you big pillow. 

Extreme Triage Nurse Hazard. 

If you have amputated your hands or feet, do not enter the emergency department dripping or squirting blood over the newly cleaned floors

Catheter insertion hazard. 

This patient needs a large bore catheter passed. He is intoxicated, angry and has the words LOVE and HATE tattooed on either side of his penis. The doctor asks you to pass the catheter.

Caution with catheter insertion. 

This person has not passed urine for 48 hours. Their bladder is the size of the Hindenburg and she is ready to blow. 

High wind speeds. 

Caution. High velocity flatus in this area. Patient has habit of *busting a grumpy* every time they roll over cough or think nobody is watching.

Rectal foreign body. 

This patient has inserted a beetroot far up into their descending colon. Listen to their explanation with a straight face. Pass patient off to student nurse. 

Found objects. 

Do not give little yellow tablets that you find lying on the floor to your patients. 

Nurse taking a shower. 

Nothing will pour iced water on those flames of passion like a subtle musky aroma of Melena wafting between you. Or the fragment top notes of a semi-digested Quarter Pounder with Cheese hanging in the air. Make a bee line from the front door to the shower and scrub-a dub dub.

Emergency Room Accepted Acronyms 

Documentation is a most important aspect of your craft as an Emergency Department nurse. The ability to communicate fluently and accurately is not only an essential competency, it is a legal fingerprint of the care you deliver. So… you should make your charts, history’s and notes a justifiable reflection of the quality care you deliver. 

With this foremost in our minds, we present the following list of useful acronyms to add to your literary kitbag. Use them to squeeze some vital juices into your notes. Use them to add an objective and accurate sub-context to your reporting. Use them to tell it like it is. Use them at your peril. 

AOX3 

Alert, Oriented times 3 (person, place, time). 

AFOL 

All fine on leaving. 

AGA 

Acute Gravity Attack. (Patient fell over) 

ART 

Assuming Room Temperature. (dead) 

AWOL 

All Well On Leaving.

AWTF 

Away With The Fairies. 

BBSS 

Big Boobs, See Soon. 

BUNDY 

But Unfortunately Not Dead Yet. 

BVA 

Breathing Valuable Air. 

BWS 

Beached Whale Syndrome.

CTD

Circling the Drain/Close To Death.

DTS

Danger To Shipping.

DRT

Dead Right There.

DRTTTT

Dead Right There, There, There, and There.

FITH

F****d In The Head.

FLK

Funny Looking Kid.

FND

Friggin’ Nearly Died.

FRACS

Fornicates Regularly And Chain Smokes.

GAK

God Alone Knows.

GOMER

Get Out of My Emergency Room.

HIVI

Husband Is Village Idiot.

NFN

Normal For Nurses.

NOONG

Not One Of Nature’s Gentlemen.

NQR

Not Quite Right.

NYDN

Not Yet Diagnosed - Nervous.

OSINTOT

Oh Shit I Never Thought Of That.

PAFO

Pissed And Fell Over.

PANIC

Pressured And Not In Control. Descriptive

and useful acronym for all sorts of situations.

A reminder also that pressure alone does

not produce panic - it’s whether you can

control it.

PRATFO

Patient Reassured And Told to F**k Off.

SIG

Stroppy Ignorant Git.

SOB

Shortness Of Breath.

STIO/SIO SupraTentorial in Origin.

(psychosomatic)

TATT

Tired All The Time.

TEETH

Tried Everything Else?..Try Homeopathy.

TOBASH

Take Out Back And SHoot.

TTFO

Told To F**k Off.

TUBE

Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination.

TWOFT

Total Waste Of Frigging Time.

UBI

Unexplained Beer Injury.

UNIVAC

Unusually Nasty Infection; Vultures Are Circling.